Sometimes life gets so overwhelming and we don’t know what
we are doing. Becoming a parent is no different and usually it gets worse.
Mental health makes life difficult; we struggle more with just living and we
don’t know what to do. This is a big reason why Care for Self is the
first focus for the National Extension Parent Education Model. There are
so many things that can help us as we care for ourselves-both as an individual
and as a parent.
One way that we are able to understand how we are doing with
life is by taking a personal inventory sheet. There are many different options
that can help us understand where we stand and how we are feeling. Here is one that I have used that have helped me to assess what I am feeling and how to
handle what I’m going through. These inventory questionnaires often provide me
with clarity on what I’m doing well with and where I can do better. As you go
through one of these inventories for yourself, think about each one and what
you feel like you’re doing well with. It is often a great reminder to know that
you are doing better than you thought and that there are things that you are in
fact doing well with!
According to the Arbinger Company’s The Parenting Pyramid,
“Our personal way of being directly affects every other part of the
pyramid.” The Parenting Pyramid is a way of building on how to become a better
parent. We work on our parenting by having a relationship with our children,
but we build that relationship through the relationship that we have with our
spouse/significant other. The way to have a great relationship with our
spouse/significant other is by making sure that we have a good relationship
with ourselves. When we are able to see that we ourselves are a good
individual, we are able to become the best parent possible. It takes a lot of
work, but it is achievable.
How does one find ways to just take care for one’s self?
Peps.org gives great ideas to meet your physical, emotional,
social, intellectual, and spiritual needs. Suggestions are writing in a journal
to ponder on your life; allow yourself to feel your feelings, even crying if
needed; work on hobbies that you haven’t been able to practice since having
your children; say NO-because boundaries are so important; talk with an adult
every day; go for a walk or take a hot bath.
The Overwhelmed Parent
There are different things that can affect a person
differently and sometimes we reach our limits and we ignore our own needs. But
when we put forth the effort to spend just 5 minutes doing something that lets
us have our alone time, we slowly start feeling better and see the difference
that spending some time on us, allows us to have. Often times this is a
difficult thing to do, especially as our children grow and the amount of activities,
they have to participate in become so numerous.
As we practice self-care, we can often find ourselves giving
self-compassion too. According to emergingminds.com.au, a 2019 study 55% of
parents surveyed reported practicing self-care “by doing something to help
themselves relax and re-energise.” These are where those suggestions from above
can come in and play a role in your personal life. Several studies together have
shown “…that encouraging self-care and self-compassion in parents is likely to
improve the health of parents and their children.”
Our children see when we are
unwell, irritable, and down, so when we practice self-care and give ourselves
grace, by giving self-compassion, we are able to help strengthen the
relationship we have with our spouse, our children, and most importantly
ourselves. Children often recognize when their parents aren’t getting along and
they often get placed in the middle of arguments. But most of these arguments during co-parenting is due to something that has upset us and we don’t know how to
handle it for ourselves. We are able to work on ourselves, so that we are able
to build on the relationships that we have with those around us.
Do what Matters Most-David Bednar
Take a step back for yourself, take a deep breath, and keep
doing the best that you can! Taking care of yourself is an important part of
being a parent. Remember to do the small things daily, so you can do big things
with your kids! Don't worry about things that don't matter. You’ve got this and you are doing GREAT!
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